Monday 31 March 2014

Short and Sour.


         Here we are with our ever-undependable, scatty, floaty, disorganised prattle. With some very loose connections to tea, and tea house activities, we aim to bring you the least pressing, softest hitting affairs from our spot on Eldon Place in the greatest city North of Sunderland and South of Edinburgh. This is not rolling news. It is mostly standing still. Or if it does roll, it goes up hill with great struggle, and soon tumbles back down slope, further from the truth than before. Due to gravity and other science. No, it moves in eccentric bursts. As if fired from an unpredictable cannon. Boom. News. But not when or where we wanted it, and it actually fired the cannon, not the news. A great mishap. There is nothing breaking here. It is all wrapped in a shit tonne of bubble wrap. Thats right, metric. We are modern. We are on it. We have our fingers on the pulse and it is a Mung Bean. 

THIS IS THE QB BLOG.

   Erm. 

     Hi.

   We are here to talk to you about Regulars, and Irregulars. We are new to the service industry, so can only assume all those who are not regulars must, logically, be irregulars. We can only assume because we don't talk to any professionals. Which i guess gives our place the chaotic, winging-it feel we have all grown to know and love. Similar to Uncle Jake who went on ebay, bought some sticks and crockery and took up plate spinning and can occasionally do 20 at once, but mostly just smashes loads of plates. But he is still making a name for himself in the neighbourhood. What with him being the only one giving it a shot. 'Oh JAKE, the plate spinner, yeah, i know who he is. SMASHING bloke.' (He is SO sick of people saying that. And with each plate that falls, he laughs maniacally, imagining a way in which he could break their skulls as easily…)

    So, Regulars.

     A huge amount of custom throughout the day comes from these fine people. People we get to know as friends. People we see more than our close family. So whether you are Double Macchiatto and Tap Water Fellow, Mocha Man, Leopard Buds Lady (Formally known as Assam Girl), Cappuccino and Danish Pastry Chap, Mr I Am Trying Each One Systematically, Police Constable 11PM Latte, Double Espresso With Sweeteners, Americano Architect Lecturer, 8am Breakfast Blend with Toast, Wednesday Dad, Takeout Black Coffee (With A Cheese Scone If She Has Been Good) Lady, Strawberry Cream Skater Dude, Besuited Skinny Latte Businessman, Scone and Ham Man, or Sean, we thank you for your support. We thank you for being here, it makes us feel good, and sane. And i hope you enjoy coming as much as we like having you. As one bro said-
    
       'Remember when dad built the pond, and he was overjoyed when frogs moved in? That, i think, is a similar buzz to what i get seeing regulars come through the door.' 

      I am pretty sure the amphibian comparison goes only as far as the happiness gleaned from us hopefully making a comfortable environment (the pond), that people enjoy being in. Though someone did leave spawn underneath the stairs… Oh no, that was a pawn. Messy chessers. 

   I massive shout out to Ian. He has been coming since the beginning, and a nicer gentleman you ne'er will meet.


    Irregulars. 
    
   WELCOME! It is very nice having you, and we hope that you have a nice time. Please enter with an open mind, and remember we are not Tea Rooms. We will not give you a snappy lidded metal tea pot on which to burn yourself, with a festering tea bag in. We will treat you like a human first and foremost, not a customer, and please treat us the same. What? Oh, yes, we know you were never going to treat us like a customer, but i mean please treat us like humans, first and foremost. Though humans that will happily bring you what your heart desires, if at all possible. Oh, no, i am sorry, we don't have any metal tea pots. 
  
  We wanted to put that on our doormat, but it didn't fit.

        We love seeing the reaction of new customers. It is exciting, and still gives happy bursts. Whether you are day tripping in Newcastle, or if you have just built up the courage to come in, you are as valued as anyone else, and we hope that we convey those feelings in our service.

      For Regulars, and Irregulars alike, we hope to keep the standards high, keep things changing so you do not get bored of coming, and above all, keep everything so completely friendly without it being contrived.

        NEWS FLASH OVER.

QB x

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