HAPPY FEBRUARY and Day 3 China

      Salutations!

     Let us tell you about what is going on. The graft is still chugging away. There are people in there RIGHT now putting lovely doors in and installing ducting. If you took all of the ducting out of our new place, and laid it end to end, it would stretch from the tea house to down the road, and back again, TWICE! Ever spent 4 hours trawling through door handles? You have? Oh. The work is supposed to finish on the 19th of Feb. We can then begin installing our counter, fixtures and fittings, bathrooms, kitchen whatnots and completing the decoration. Give us three weeks to a month from the 19th, and that should all be done. So mid March is the current E. TEA. A. 

    We are getting such delightful emails from people, so please do continue to get in touch if you would like to receive information/invites to the opening ceremony. We will have Beyonce there, singing the star spangled bannister, and possibly U2, playing some utter shite and wearing sunglasses. 

      It's been emotional, this whole renovation work, but incredibly educational and makes us appreciate/understand the building so much more. Which sounds wanky, but it's true. When you know exactly what is going on behind your 2 layers of plasterboard, it feels like you know the building more than others. Like you have a special tie, just like you have a bond with your lady friend, as you know her secrets, her faults, her imperfections without her clothes/makeup on, and no one else will (hopefully) ever know that. It makes your bond that much stronger. Personifying a building is possible only with a building with history and character. Well i suppose new builds still have a personality, but they would probably all be Alan from the council. Our one is ridiculous in it's personality. I hope it appreciates its new lease of life, and us messing around in it's under regions. As long as you lovely chaps come and have tea with us in it, and fill it with nice conversation and good feelinz, im sure it'll be happy. K I'LL STOP WITTERING, JEEZ.

    

      Look out for our new signs going in on Monday. They are exciting, yup. Think Fenwicks windows, but with a millionth of their budget. 

   Here's Some More Blog From China

Day 3

 Completely forgot that yesterday (in this story) there was another task that was done. And that was train ticket buying. Always a szuper phun rigmarole when in phoreign landz. I naively chose Guangzhou East to do the ticket buying in. India is famous for it's chaotic train ticket buying system, and just crazy crazy stations. This was way worse. It took me completely by surprise, as i expected order, and a lot of it. So after sitting, watching everyone for a while, attempting to get a (loose) grip of what was going on, I boldly went into a queue.

       Which took 45 minutes to get short enough for me to get hopeful, then took another 45 minutes for actual service time. It was good though, as it gave me long enough to figure out the relevant words to say/characters to write. This is what i handed to the lady -

              - and i threw a hell of a smile her way as well. This made her smile, and all the interested parties surrounding me, watching, with baited breath, smiled as well. EVERYONE SMILED. I didn't know if they were smiles of genuine happiness, anxious nervousness towards the communicative cataclysm that was about to happen, or just them trying to make me feel comfortable before they destroyed me with mock. Which ever, it was nice.

       After this frankly DISGUSTING show of a decent humanity, we got right down to business, & booked me some train tickets. There were some sounds coming from both of our mouths, and lots of shapes coming from our hands, and faces. And these shapes and sounds somehow, miraculously, made some train tickets come into my possession. 3 of them. 1 for the locomotive i am about to wake up for (in this story), and 2 for later legs. 

     So, i am going to wake up (in this story).

    I woke up. The legs were so very very sore after 2 nights of sleeping on wood. Mostly the hips, as they stick out, unless you are dead foetusy of shape (NOT A DEAD FOETUS, DEAD AS IN VERY). I totally had 8 bananas in the fridge, but forgot them as i hurriedly drank a pint of milk, ate a pack of excellent chocolate wafer objects, checked out and legged it to a bus that i hoped would sort my location issues out. The bus kind of did, but then it changed it's mind and brmmmed off in an unexpected direction. That was fine, cos i got off and jumped on a metro. I sailed underneath the many many skyscrapers in my air conditioned super slick subterranean ship. Appreciating, still, the excellent hairdos and fashions. 

    So the destination today was Chaozhou, slightly up the coast from Guangzhou. It was to be a 6 hour ride. Chaozhou is the porcelain capital of the world. A vast percentage of China's (and therefore the world's) porcelain production happens there. I was going to check out our crockery factory, just to see if everything was fine. Plus i wanted to see how it is all manufactured. Like one super detailed, interactive episode of 'How It's Made' (My desert island TV program. But on reflection, perhaps a documentary called 'How To Tune Your Solar Powered TV To Receive More Channels In A Remote Location' would be better. Or Friends). 

    The ride was lovely. I was fully investigated by most on board. I was in Hard Seat Class, on a T Class train. Not glamourous by any stretch of the imagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiination. The boarding was incredibly orderly, and showed just how efficiently you can organise masses of people. To be filtered from one waiting room to another, as the boarding time approached, into smaller and smaller ones of these-

  - made sense, and worked.

    I had a few chats, in my Hard Seat, and near the boiling water dispenser, as i took my noodle pot out of cryogenic status, and watched a lot of niceness pass the window. Here is what it looked like -

        And at 14:00 or something, i arrived in Chaozhou. Chaozhou train station was hot. And it wasn't pretty. We got shepherded out of a side gate, as the main station building was locked. Now then. There was a smallish problem. I had not heard from Jenny (NOT HER REAL NAME) since an email a few days earlier asking what train i was getting, and offering to pick me up from the station. Jenny was the rep at the porcelain factory. I had her phone number scribbled in my book. And that was it. So, after rather venomously brushing off eager taxi drivers, i sat down and relaxed a while. It was only early afternoon, so i wasn't worried about life.

         The taxi drivers came and sat next to me, and we had some craic (or 歡樂氛圍 as they call it) and shared a tea. It became quite clear after a while that Jenny wasn't coming. So i chatted with a youngster taxi driver who i saw had a mobile phone. He called Jenny. But Jenny didn't answer. He tried for an hour, on n off, but Jenny didn't answer. I still wasn't worried, as i was enjoying all the hilarious miscommunicatory jollies. But then i started looking at my position. No Jenny, no address, no nothing. So i decided that i should just rock on into town and get myself a bed somewhere before having a wander. BUT JUST AS I MADE THIS DECISION JENNY RANG THE KID TAXI DRIVER.

       Turns out Jenny was off graft cos her child was really sick. She said sorry a lot and gave the address to the kid who then shuttled me off to the factory. 

   That was one of those moments when life could have gone a million different ways, had i lost patience sooner, or had i forgotten to scribble her number down or something. Obviously life can always go over a million different ways, but moments like that really make that evident. 

     THE FACTORY WAS AMAZING as was the approach. The town is just littered with porcelain. The roads are made of scraps of it, there are piles and piles on every available bit of real estate. I even saw a make shift shanty house made of toilet pan seconds. Unbelievable. Then i arrived at the factory. I cannot describe the weirdness. But i will try.

    Got out of taxi. Had argument over price. Taxi sped off. Pedestrian access security gates opened. No people. Walked in to compound. No people. Walked to what appeared to be main entrance. Climbed steps to plush, marble-lined, high-ceilinged, echoey foyer building. Nobody at front desk. Piles of broken porcelain indoors ruined the professional, clean look i think they were going for. Indoor water features were off, with festering pools of stagnant grey. No lights were on. Like everyone left in an awful hurry to escape the apocalypse, and ne'er did return. Double glass doors to my far right lead to darkness, and a spiral staircase on the other side ran to a mezzaniney balcony and further floors. I put down my stuff and walk outside again. No people. I walked around the compound, to the security guards office. No people. Had a little laugh. Back to strange massive foyer. Sat down and twiddled my thumbs and again considered my options. A man came out of the double doors…

     He sees me & i stand. A strange moment passes between us, as we silently question our positions. I speak first, very britishly and apologetic. His english, though good, is not excellent, but i understand that he doesn't have a damnedest idea who i am or what i want. He is just the loveliest man, and shuffles off to solve the problem. After a further 10 minutes of weirdness, everything is now resolved, as Jenny's secretary comes down, and now there are apologies coming in from all angles. It was a genuine sorry fest. I climb the spiral staircase with them, in to their showroom, meeting with their sales rep chap in the darkness. They have to turn on all of the lights, immediately illuminating shelves and shelves of glimmering chinaware.

       And so began an hour of awkward moments as they brought porcelain to me, some nice, some horrible, whilst we supped our never ending cups of tea. 

    After that was all over and done with, we walked around the factory. Glorious.

 

Any questions regarding porcelain/chinaware, i will be happy to answer them. I asked every question that ever existed i think.

They kindly arranged for the bosses son to bring me into town to find some accommodation. Not being a tourist town, there weren't many places to choose from, and the options became slimmer every time i stepped into a hotel, as they were mostly full. Through asking receptionists, i eventually came across a hotel which was cheap and moderately cheerful. I had a green tea from a tea bag in my hotel room (absolutely delicious, as if picked from the bush that morning), and then ventured off in to the city on foot. It was now 7 o'clock, about. I needed food. The town is famous for its shark balls. So i had them. Little balls of boiled fish, with noodles and greens. Absolutely delicious and not heavy. I then walked. And walked. This is what i did see

       I bought some stationary, sat in a tea house and wrote a letter till quite late. Then made my way to the hotel, and enjoyed the mattress. As i hadn't been on one for a few days. 

THAT'S ALL, STAY TUNED FOR DAY 4 COMING SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE x

CHINA DAY 2

Hi Blogatrons. 

     I hope you have seen our signs in Newcastle above our new hot joint. CLUE- near the Hancock Museum/Civic Centre. 

      Work is progressing. All the big construction has been completed. And we are installing kitchen items this week. Basement graft has still got a long way to go, but that's ok. 

        We have begun the xmas tea happenings (packing gift packs, and getting the xmas blends sorted, and having the usual arguments about ribbon). I cant believe we're talking about christmas. Sorry. We wont advertise that sort of stuff til later, dont worry. Just letting you know whats going on.

(BUY OUR CHRISTMAS SHIT!!!!!) 

     Also we picked up some lights from London. Which was a ridiculous mission, but a fun one. They are for our gallery space. FOR TO ILLUMINATE WORKS OF ART. 

    The windows are being installed at a leisurely pace. As soon as they are installed, things start to become VERY interesting. The building hasnt had natural light for 20 years. So it's like it can breath again. Like a chlorophyl starved seedling, suddenly flung into the sunshine. It will grow and blossom into the beautiful flower it had the potential to be. Unless its a slimey snotwort (gloopius bogiarum).

      

   We love you all, and please do look at Everything Everything's new song. 

Day 2.

     There were 2 things to achieve in Guangzhou. Anything else would be excellent but not necessary. Number one was to look at some crockery, and possibly buy it. Number two was to taste some tea, and possibly buy it. 

     Waking pretty (but not obscenely) early, the journey took me once again along the river bank, through the university grounds, to the nearest metro station. This is what i did see -

Hostel view

   

Hostel view no. 2

These chaps were kite flying men. They had special leather pads on their thighs to allow for speedy reeling in of kite. It made a crack noise when they did it, and the kite fluttered fast. Exciting it was.

These ladies were just having a sing song together.

     

These lads were having a good old fish using ye olde techniques

This lad was dead happy, and maybe a little simple, but very nice.

Regarding the kite chaps and the singing ladies. There were SO MANY groups of people doing things together outside. It was amazing. People dancing, exercising, badmintoning, creche groups, biddy chatting groups, mahjong groups, all outside, all together. That is so very very different from here in the UK. Can you imagine meeting on Newcastle quayside to have a sing of some Abba hits together? It was eye opening, and lovely to see. I felt happy around all the group activity.

    I then jumped on metro 8 and rode it to Pazhou.

   Some notes on metros/public transport.

      For a public transport system to be BRILL, you need congruency through all modes of transport (including bicycles), and prices need to be low. Take, for example, the Prague metro system. For 1ish euro you can have 90 minutes of travel. BUT ON TOP OF THAT YOU CAN CHANGE TO ANY BUS, TRAM, LOCAL TRAIN ETC, included in the ticket. Thats enough to get to the shops, buy your purchase and ride home again. Now, say you have to take a not very far metro trip in Newcastle, followed by a bus. That will cost you around £4, 1 way. That's obscene. There aren't enough naughty words in the world to describe with any accuracy how frustrating the Newcastle Metro is. Obviously the cost of living is less in the Czech Rep, but those prices are not relative. 

      ALSO up until a short while ago, in Budapest, a ticket would cost £1. If you wanted to change metros, you would need a new ticket. So, say you wanted to travel ONE stop on one metro, then change to travel a few more. You would need 2 tickets (or a more expensive transfer ticket). Which is just bloody stupid, money grabbing, idiocy. They used this system to nab trusting tourists as well. Fine them. Fine them good. But i like the BP transport system, despite the silly prices, and vulturine ticket inspectors. Mostly because they have trams. And trams are excellent. They have gorgeous 1960's squeaky trams, that trundle and teeter. And they also have Supa Modern A/C trams (the longest single carriage trams in the world FYI FYI), all working harmoniously with a pretty well run metro line, and crappy old buses, that i also love. This man also enjoys a good public transport.

     The Guangzhou metro is a sanitary, clinical affair. I was comparing it to the London Tube whilst riding it. What is preferable - this super efficient, air conditioned, characterless, affordable dream of a metro system, or the marvellously eccentric n QuiRkY, occasionally dependable, joyful London Tubular Chap? London wins. Despite me not wanting it to. Please do spend some time on this website. It gives many reasons why the London Tube is mint. 

      

    Popping my head up from my nice cool subterranean lair, i immediately ran to a cool beverage retailer and tipped a bottle of coke over my head. On reflection, drinking it would have been advisable. I had this address - Room 2008, North Tower. It was fun finding it.

     Guangzhou is home to the Canton Trade Fair. A bi annual trade meeting of nearly 200000 people, held on 1125000 m2 of exhibition space. ITS MASSIVE. Its mostly held where i was, in huge purpose built exhibition buildings. Like this-

      When it's not on, the river Island on which it is held is kinda quiet and ghost towny. Just sod loads of GIMONGOUS buildings with nowt in em. North tower is the office block attached to one of the exhibition buildings. It was very very quiet, and i went to the 20th floor. No one about. I wandered to the bottom of the empty corridor, with empty offices. No one about. I did a little break dance because the floor was dead polished, and i was lonely and scared and thought it might attract at least SOMEONE from SOMEWHERE. It didn't.

     So i wandered some more, and finally found an office with someone in. I knocked and they looked surprised. AND IN I WENT….

         Inside was a plethora of porcelain, a cornucopia of crockery, an excess of earthenware not to mention a whole abundance of affected alliteration. 

   It was quite the spectacle. And so hours were whiled away inspecting cups and saucers, talking about the fabrication of new bone china, the variation in the clink of cup on saucer, the possibilities of customisation and simply everything i could think of in regards to porcelain. It was DEAD INTERESTING, and a cup of excellence was found (or the components of). 

     They took a long hard look at our cup design, and told us it was all possible, and that a sample could be fabricated in 10 days!!!! (this was 6 months ago, and we are still waiting….) 

     So there we go.

   Number one mission for Guangzhou was complete. 

    It was just after midday, so had the rest of the day to buy tea. Guangzhou has one of the worlds largest tea markets. Near Fangcun metro station. So that was where i headed. Understandably.

     I stopped for lunch and had an amazing bowl of pork chop noodles (i think) and had a maple syrup bubble tea (im going to talk to y'all about bubble tea soon, don't worry. ITS GOOD)

   I had a lull in NRG, so sat down on a park bench and fell asleep. It was nice. Then I wandered and got dead lost. But it was fine. I saw some nice things. And ate some more nice things also. Past dim sum shops, and so many iphone accessory retailers, and strange fashion dogs, and NO LITTER ANYWHERE and loads of parks that looked lovely.

          Eventually the tea Mecca was located. And in i wandered. There was NO ONE THERE, bar the proprietors, so i got a lot of attention. Eventually i settled on a chap who had a VERY nice looking bunch of wild Fuding White, and some gorgeous Huang Cha. 

     And so began 6 hours of filling my bladder with liquid, then emptying it, and repeat. 

TEA PEOPLE

   Some of the liquid was absolutely phenomenal. Taste sensations, LET ME TELL YOU!!!!!OMG The yellow tea rocked my world, and i experienced some Fujian Oolongs that would give Eeyore a Gregg Wallace Grin.

      I also nibbled on the mans green tea pumpkin seeds that he had made and was very proud of. I loved them at the time. But now i have them here, they aren't so delish (he gave me very many to take home). I ordered about 10 kg of tea, to be collected upon return to Guangzhou at the end of the trip, and then made my way back to the hostel. 

     It was evening. This is what i did see -

  

This was an evening entertainment strip, with fairground games and stalls selling plastic shit that usually went 'weeeeee' or 'bzzzzzzdiiiiiingkerblink' and flashed blue and red.

This was on a boat across the river.

This was at a fish market. There were many bags of mysterious wriggling writhing things, and animals that i just have no idea what they were. It was bustling.

This was a snail as big as my fist.

This was a whistly chap, on the beautiful Shamian Island. 

I then got tired and jumped on an electric scooter taxi. My hair got ruffled, and i got a little too up close and personal with the driver. It felt invigorating and lush (the drive, not his body between my groin). I also nearly lost my shins quite a few times by him driving too close to hard objects. We got lost, but we had fun together, communicating with noises. Laughing as one. I wondered if i squeezed his nipple from behind i could get away with him thinking it just a weird cultural difference thing.

Then i got in, fatigued, did an email, then did a big achey sleep on the pointless mattress.


  GOOD NIGHT LADZ N LASSES xxx
 
This blog has been sponsored by the word chap and a massive snail. 

         

NEWS and CHINA DAY 1

Bloggens!

 How the divil are you? We've just had another fantastic day at Shipley Art Gallery, distributing tea and cake to some of the nicest chaps and chapesses you could ever wish to meet. I just wish we were opening somewhere that we could do that on a daily basis. OH WAIT, WE ARE! We have been for 3 years now. 3 YEARS. We were just re doing our business plan, which we hope will convince the bank to give us absolutely loads of money, and we had to write that we had been working on our property for 31 months. It felt horrible. 31 months. Oh what can be achieved in that amount of time. You could watch 22320 episodes of Downton Abbey (44640 episodes of Friends) if you didn't want to sleep/urinate/make your dinner. Even if you did want to do that stuff, you could still squeeze in 15000 Downtons, or 30000 Friends. I would probably bore of that much costume drama, but NEVER would i get sick of that Ross and quippy Chandler and his quips, and Joey. Let's face it, we've all probably seen that many episodes anyhoo.

    Alternatively you could get a degree in most things in that amount of time. We could have been super intelligent (and skint) but we decided to be tea house men (and skint).

  Sometimes it gets a little tiring, all this ridiculous nothing happeningness. But our enthusiasm is still there. And all will be excellent.

    We have started the 3 month renovation works on the building. It's dead old, the building. Not only has it been around for these 3 years, it had over 100 more years standing before we even were born!!! That makes a LOAD of years. Buildings that are a bit old always are hard to fix. This one is NO EXCEPTION. It's got rotten beams, and all sorts of building regs issues. And a chimney full o' soot. It's also listed, so everything takes forever and costs forever, as they say. It's also got no windows. And it is over 4 metres high, with 20 metres of window length. Which totals over £SHITLOTS on just the windows. Just the windows.

        But it's really nice, so it's all worth it. We hope you like it too.

        We are beginning the opening invites. We are having 2 opening events. One for press and official people. One for friends n family n lovely supporters of us. Also we might have a new years bash. Will let you know. Anyone that wants to come to the opening events and feels like they havent made themselves known enough, just send us an email, and we will send you the relevant documentation when the time comes.

    The food menu is looking exciting. The tea menu is, of course, excellent. And our other beverages could thrill the hind legs off a donkey. If thrilling did that sort of thing.

      Today they knocked 2 massive holes in some walls, which was excellent. Destruction is dead good fun. We wish we were allowed to do it ourselves, but apparently you have to have qualifications, and certificates. And a hard hat.

      Tea is excellent.

     Coinciding with the opening will be the all new shpongly website, some new teas, and possibly a nervous breakdown or 3.

       We are really loving the feeling in Newcastle at the moment. Loads of quality independent establishments, and wonderful support for such operations. Can't wait to be well and truly involved.


     HERE'S SOME CHINA TRIP BLOG BUBYE NOW XXX -

DAY 1

I got on the plane, and travelled in the air. I then got off the plane, and travelled on the ground, in HO CHI MINH. Then i got on the plane again, and travelled in the air again, until i got off in CHINA. In GUANGZHOU. During the air travel, there were lots of people that did annoying things. Like the fat fatty man who during the designated sleeping time ordered a sandwich and a beer every half an hour. He kept looking at his watch to see if 30 minutes had passed. That must have been some sort of self regulation system he had devised, because he knew if he didn't give himself strict rules, he would probably just eat every sandwich on the plane. All of the sandwiches. Anyway, this string ordering kept disrupting me. And i wanted him to stop it. He snored as well. And belched always. And was just a hulk of waste. He said he was travelling to southern china for work, and told me how much he hated being there, how he spent all of his time in Irish bars and KFC, and never travelled outside his expat compound. I got his phone number, and now we are bezzies.

 Then there was rudey snob lady, who demanded a wine before we took off, and was deeeeply offended when that wasn't possible. She didn't say please or thanks once, and had a look on her face like she was being forced to watch Mick Hucknall and Janet Street Porter having a dirty romp -

(I now have that look on my face, and hope that you do too). 

No wonder air hostesses end up hating all humans, with people like her making their life generally unpleasant. It's just unnecessary, and actually quite cruel. I think i tried to over compensate for her impoliteness, and it probably made the hostesses feel uneasy the way i shouted 'THANKYOU EVER SO MUCH' every time they walked past.

    Guangzhou airport is super well run and dead nice. It was thrilling to be there. Completely.
I spent 5 Yuan (50 british pence) on a metro ticket to zoom me into the centre. You get a little plastic token which you scan against the entry gate, and you pop it into a slot on exiting. So no messy tickets or anything. And blimey it's well organised. Wonderfully air conditioned, and well sign posted, speedy. They are numbered, the metro lines, from 1-8. I got on the number 2. Then changed to 3. First thing i noticed was the excellent array of haircuts, and fashions. When getting on an airport metro, you are amongst many a foreigner, so you are by no means a point of interest. But as the metro progresses, and people get on/off, your dilution gradually lessens. By the time I hit town, about 25 minutes, I felt the stares beginning. Guangzhou isn't a touristy place, really. Many people travel through it, as you often cannot avoid it. But it is not a destination city. So, we funny foreigners get a fair bit of eye attention. That's ok.

I emerged from the cool metro land, giddy with excite, into the sweltering, muggy, heavy air.

This feeling is amazing.

This is what i did see, initially -

This was on the leisurely stroll to my hostel along this route -


View Larger Map


It should take an hour. But it took 2 hours. What with all the sitting and watching and sweating.

       It felt amazing, AND OMG EXCITING AND THRILLING to be there. I simply couldn't wait to get stuck into tea stuff.

   I enjoyed the hunt for the hostel. It was exactly how i love hostels to be - in someone's flat, laid back, not corporate in any way and with a nice wrinkly man to check me in. It was my first proper communication with an actual real life chinaman. And i enjoyed it terribly. I love communication. I'm a rubbish english socialiser, as i fear sounding like a div too much. So when we both know we are going to sound like divs to each other, i relax much more, and just have fun. WOOOP.

Here is the view from the hostel -

   That eve a rendezvous with a mate (who was born at the same moment i was being born, in the room next to me, interestingly enough) was on the cards. A call was made from the lovely wrinkly mans phone. And we arranged to meet at a metro station. I washed, pointlessly, the current sweatiness away, before i got sweaty putting a t shirt on. I sat and drank 12 litres of water and a litre of iced green tea (v v v v popular) and ventured out again. 

   Unfortunately, the activities of that evening cannot be shared. Not because they are rude or anything, but because i am embarrassed at the choice of activity (not made by me).

          But here is what i saw on the way home - It was a 3 hour walk at midnight, and oh so oh so amazing. 

These chaps are playing hacky sack. Together. Adults. Happy. At 1 am. This is amazing. A HUGE cultural difference.

   So many people were out, playing games. Chatting. Dancing.

   At 1.30 oclock, i saw an illuminated sign saying tea. So i followed it, like an excitable moth with my ganglionic instincts. Inside was a lovely man. We had lots of tea together, and discussed Man City. Now, sport isn't something i know a lot about. But, i think i pulled it off. (Man City ARE a good rugby team aren't they?) This is the man -

   We shared some incredible Pu Erhs, and a fine fine high grade jade tie guan yen oolong.

  This was my first encounter with the chinese tea drinking ritual. And he was happy to answer my many questions. I couldn't have happened across a more lovely man to take my chinese tea drinking virginity. I will never forget him. When i forgot to discard the first infusion, he said 'It doesn't matter, it happens to everyone, we will try again when you are ready.' 

       I was starting to feel very happy to be there, all concerns had dissipated, and as soon as you relax when travelling, the enjoyment grows exponentially, and you can feel the joy going off in bursts the more you think about it. 

 And so i slept on the hardest mattress that could ever exist, with different parts of my body going numb at different times during the night. But i didn't care. In the slightest.

  

    

 

Yes. Hello.

      So. The brother that went, has unwented. The brothers that didn't went, have been grafting very hard, to compensate for the wenting brother -

          We have a nice little (actually quite big) article in Appetite Magazine this month, distributed amongst delis and cafes and other places where one goes to sate appetites. If you find a copy, then read it. It's nice; a lovely first spread. Hopefully the first of many, because we are going to be media whores. Classy media whores. Ones that have to be wined and dined first, and have to have a certificate to prove that there are no diseases.

   Our work with the farm is going very well. So well that our pigs are going to be housed as from the end of this monthish. And until they are ready to be slaughtered and consumed, the farm has many a rare breed that we can sample and use in the tea house. They are simply delightful people, and we will tell you all about them, and what they do, when we are ready, and they say we can.

         We have 2 hives all made n that, and we are waiting for our local lovely bee keeper to have surplus bees. Rather annoyingly, for the first time in 12 years we had a wild swarm visit our house. They ignored our hives, and decided that a hole in the wall would suit them better. So we now have a colony living in our wall. They give off a low hum. We like them. But are a little bitter.

        The blogging of CHINA TRIP Y2K12. First, here it is in numbers-



Days in China - 19
Kinds of tea tried - 47
Kilometres travelled in China - 4394
Bowls of noodles - 27
Times a disgrace was made of myself - Hard to say. Many.
Kilos of MSG consumed - 12.5
Kilos of tea purchased - 12
Tea cups ordered - 2000
Times I knew exactly what was being eaten - 2

Day 0 Newcastle - London

Tea Experience of the day - My morning cup of Quilliam Brothers Breakfast Blend of course!!!


With a good friend a meal was had. And then we saw the loveable Dara O'Briain at the city hall. We laughed, and the fact that i was leaving to China left my head. We went to Weatherspoons and had 2 jagerbombs for a fiver, and the fact that i was leaving to China left my head a little bit more. We parted ways and then i got on the Megabus. It was multi racial, and quite pleasant. I woke up in London, then got a 'tube' to somewhere, where i got an Easybus to an airport. Then i got on a plane.

I like leaving England. It always fills me with much joy. Though Newcastle is frustratingly crap at having flights to anywhere other than Benidorm and Scallios, the added nuisance of getting to another UK city makes the travel a little bit more like travel. It makes you appreciate the distance a little bit more. Makes the journey that little bit more epic. I like the infamous midnight Newcastle - London Megabus. Sailing through the muted orange glow of a drizzly Northern England, head tilted window-wards, ears plugged with music, safe in the knowledge that you are ON YOUR WAY, makes me buzzy with excite. I like waking intermittently, as the sleeping head lollops, taking stock, seeing the silhouettes of wizened humans, sleeping how they never were meant, remembering where you are, before nodding off again, warmed and comforted by the motion of the coach. I like it. Even if bits of the body ache and you sit next to the pungently offensive.

And then, we stopped at Woolley Edge.


And then, the sun began to rise. The dull orange of the North replaced with an exciting new orange, glowing over green green rolling hills and crap suburbs.


And then, London Victoria.


It was then that i realised i had forgotten my Oyster card! I was livid, and considered leaving the flipping capital there and then! But, after angrily bashing my shoulders into many commuters full of hurry, i felt the anger depart, and i soldiered on. A trooper to the end.


Not really; i just paid full price, and that was absolutely fine.


Easybus service was excellent. Lovely enthusiastic bus driver, and bang on schedule. Who would win in a busfight? Mega or Easy? Easy - nimble and efficient. Mega - lumbering and determined.


I had pre ordered my Renminbi for collection at Heathwick, and the woman serving was just so delightful in her confabulation. The sort of playful but intense enquiry into your trip that seems completely sincere. Like she gleans vicarious pleasure from the description of your upcoming travel. I hope she does, and every day visits the world from behind her desk.

Also my check in fella was great. From SriLanka, he visits South China often, and he suggested a few places to visit upon arrival whilst simultaneously skiving from checking in the next 4 people in line. I didn't look round to see their grumpy faces.

Then i got on the plane. Though not immediately. I obediently perused the goods on offer at the departure lounge, did some rubiks cube graft, and then fell asleep to this, before waking for boarding. Disoriented. AND READY FOR SOME KILLER PLANE MOVIES!


NO PHOTOS THIS TIME AS THEY WOULD ALL HAVE BEEN BORING.

xxx