Let us tell you about what is going on. The graft is still chugging away. There are people in there RIGHT now putting lovely doors in and installing ducting. If you took all of the ducting out of our new place, and laid it end to end, it would stretch from the tea house to down the road, and back again, TWICE! Ever spent 4 hours trawling through door handles? You have? Oh. The work is supposed to finish on the 19th of Feb. We can then begin installing our counter, fixtures and fittings, bathrooms, kitchen whatnots and completing the decoration. Give us three weeks to a month from the 19th, and that should all be done. So mid March is the current E. TEA. A.
We are getting such delightful emails from people, so please do continue to get in touch if you would like to receive information/invites to the opening ceremony. We will have Beyonce there, singing the star spangled bannister, and possibly U2, playing some utter shite and wearing sunglasses.
It's been emotional, this whole renovation work, but incredibly educational and makes us appreciate/understand the building so much more. Which sounds wanky, but it's true. When you know exactly what is going on behind your 2 layers of plasterboard, it feels like you know the building more than others. Like you have a special tie, just like you have a bond with your lady friend, as you know her secrets, her faults, her imperfections without her clothes/makeup on, and no one else will (hopefully) ever know that. It makes your bond that much stronger. Personifying a building is possible only with a building with history and character. Well i suppose new builds still have a personality, but they would probably all be Alan from the council. Our one is ridiculous in it's personality. I hope it appreciates its new lease of life, and us messing around in it's under regions. As long as you lovely chaps come and have tea with us in it, and fill it with nice conversation and good feelinz, im sure it'll be happy. K I'LL STOP WITTERING, JEEZ.
Look out for our new signs going in on Monday. They are exciting, yup. Think Fenwicks windows, but with a millionth of their budget.
Here's Some More Blog From China
Day 3
Completely forgot that yesterday (in this story) there was another task that was done. And that was train ticket buying. Always a szuper phun rigmarole when in phoreign landz. I naively chose Guangzhou East to do the ticket buying in. India is famous for it's chaotic train ticket buying system, and just crazy crazy stations. This was way worse. It took me completely by surprise, as i expected order, and a lot of it. So after sitting, watching everyone for a while, attempting to get a (loose) grip of what was going on, I boldly went into a queue.
Which took 45 minutes to get short enough for me to get hopeful, then took another 45 minutes for actual service time. It was good though, as it gave me long enough to figure out the relevant words to say/characters to write. This is what i handed to the lady -
- and i threw a hell of a smile her way as well. This made her smile, and all the interested parties surrounding me, watching, with baited breath, smiled as well. EVERYONE SMILED. I didn't know if they were smiles of genuine happiness, anxious nervousness towards the communicative cataclysm that was about to happen, or just them trying to make me feel comfortable before they destroyed me with mock. Which ever, it was nice.
After this frankly DISGUSTING show of a decent humanity, we got right down to business, & booked me some train tickets. There were some sounds coming from both of our mouths, and lots of shapes coming from our hands, and faces. And these shapes and sounds somehow, miraculously, made some train tickets come into my possession. 3 of them. 1 for the locomotive i am about to wake up for (in this story), and 2 for later legs.
So, i am going to wake up (in this story).
I woke up. The legs were so very very sore after 2 nights of sleeping on wood. Mostly the hips, as they stick out, unless you are dead foetusy of shape (NOT A DEAD FOETUS, DEAD AS IN VERY). I totally had 8 bananas in the fridge, but forgot them as i hurriedly drank a pint of milk, ate a pack of excellent chocolate wafer objects, checked out and legged it to a bus that i hoped would sort my location issues out. The bus kind of did, but then it changed it's mind and brmmmed off in an unexpected direction. That was fine, cos i got off and jumped on a metro. I sailed underneath the many many skyscrapers in my air conditioned super slick subterranean ship. Appreciating, still, the excellent hairdos and fashions.
So the destination today was Chaozhou, slightly up the coast from Guangzhou. It was to be a 6 hour ride. Chaozhou is the porcelain capital of the world. A vast percentage of China's (and therefore the world's) porcelain production happens there. I was going to check out our crockery factory, just to see if everything was fine. Plus i wanted to see how it is all manufactured. Like one super detailed, interactive episode of 'How It's Made' (My desert island TV program. But on reflection, perhaps a documentary called 'How To Tune Your Solar Powered TV To Receive More Channels In A Remote Location' would be better. Or Friends).
The ride was lovely. I was fully investigated by most on board. I was in Hard Seat Class, on a T Class train. Not glamourous by any stretch of the imagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiination. The boarding was incredibly orderly, and showed just how efficiently you can organise masses of people. To be filtered from one waiting room to another, as the boarding time approached, into smaller and smaller ones of these-
- made sense, and worked.
I had a few chats, in my Hard Seat, and near the boiling water dispenser, as i took my noodle pot out of cryogenic status, and watched a lot of niceness pass the window. Here is what it looked like -
And at 14:00 or something, i arrived in Chaozhou. Chaozhou train station was hot. And it wasn't pretty. We got shepherded out of a side gate, as the main station building was locked. Now then. There was a smallish problem. I had not heard from Jenny (NOT HER REAL NAME) since an email a few days earlier asking what train i was getting, and offering to pick me up from the station. Jenny was the rep at the porcelain factory. I had her phone number scribbled in my book. And that was it. So, after rather venomously brushing off eager taxi drivers, i sat down and relaxed a while. It was only early afternoon, so i wasn't worried about life.
The taxi drivers came and sat next to me, and we had some craic (or 歡樂氛圍 as they call it) and shared a tea. It became quite clear after a while that Jenny wasn't coming. So i chatted with a youngster taxi driver who i saw had a mobile phone. He called Jenny. But Jenny didn't answer. He tried for an hour, on n off, but Jenny didn't answer. I still wasn't worried, as i was enjoying all the hilarious miscommunicatory jollies. But then i started looking at my position. No Jenny, no address, no nothing. So i decided that i should just rock on into town and get myself a bed somewhere before having a wander. BUT JUST AS I MADE THIS DECISION JENNY RANG THE KID TAXI DRIVER.
The taxi drivers came and sat next to me, and we had some craic (or 歡樂氛圍 as they call it) and shared a tea. It became quite clear after a while that Jenny wasn't coming. So i chatted with a youngster taxi driver who i saw had a mobile phone. He called Jenny. But Jenny didn't answer. He tried for an hour, on n off, but Jenny didn't answer. I still wasn't worried, as i was enjoying all the hilarious miscommunicatory jollies. But then i started looking at my position. No Jenny, no address, no nothing. So i decided that i should just rock on into town and get myself a bed somewhere before having a wander. BUT JUST AS I MADE THIS DECISION JENNY RANG THE KID TAXI DRIVER.
Turns out Jenny was off graft cos her child was really sick. She said sorry a lot and gave the address to the kid who then shuttled me off to the factory.
That was one of those moments when life could have gone a million different ways, had i lost patience sooner, or had i forgotten to scribble her number down or something. Obviously life can always go over a million different ways, but moments like that really make that evident.
THE FACTORY WAS AMAZING as was the approach. The town is just littered with porcelain. The roads are made of scraps of it, there are piles and piles on every available bit of real estate. I even saw a make shift shanty house made of toilet pan seconds. Unbelievable. Then i arrived at the factory. I cannot describe the weirdness. But i will try.
Got out of taxi. Had argument over price. Taxi sped off. Pedestrian access security gates opened. No people. Walked in to compound. No people. Walked to what appeared to be main entrance. Climbed steps to plush, marble-lined, high-ceilinged, echoey foyer building. Nobody at front desk. Piles of broken porcelain indoors ruined the professional, clean look i think they were going for. Indoor water features were off, with festering pools of stagnant grey. No lights were on. Like everyone left in an awful hurry to escape the apocalypse, and ne'er did return. Double glass doors to my far right lead to darkness, and a spiral staircase on the other side ran to a mezzaniney balcony and further floors. I put down my stuff and walk outside again. No people. I walked around the compound, to the security guards office. No people. Had a little laugh. Back to strange massive foyer. Sat down and twiddled my thumbs and again considered my options. A man came out of the double doors…
He sees me & i stand. A strange moment passes between us, as we silently question our positions. I speak first, very britishly and apologetic. His english, though good, is not excellent, but i understand that he doesn't have a damnedest idea who i am or what i want. He is just the loveliest man, and shuffles off to solve the problem. After a further 10 minutes of weirdness, everything is now resolved, as Jenny's secretary comes down, and now there are apologies coming in from all angles. It was a genuine sorry fest. I climb the spiral staircase with them, in to their showroom, meeting with their sales rep chap in the darkness. They have to turn on all of the lights, immediately illuminating shelves and shelves of glimmering chinaware.
And so began an hour of awkward moments as they brought porcelain to me, some nice, some horrible, whilst we supped our never ending cups of tea.
After that was all over and done with, we walked around the factory. Glorious.
Any questions regarding porcelain/chinaware, i will be happy to answer them. I asked every question that ever existed i think.
I bought some stationary, sat in a tea house and wrote a letter till quite late. Then made my way to the hotel, and enjoyed the mattress. As i hadn't been on one for a few days.
THAT'S ALL, STAY TUNED FOR DAY 4 COMING SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE x
